Dear Matt,

Can you believe it was three whole years ago today that we locked eyes and promised each other forever? I know I say this a lot, but I’m still not sure how I tricked you into marrying me. But it’ took a while for me to realize that’s the case, that I’m the lucky one. When we were engaged, I remember people telling us that marriage has a way of showing you just how broken you are as an individual, using your spouse as a vehicle to a deeper form to self-reflection. That notion never really made sense to me, as I thought I was pretty alright to begin with.

But then we got married. I thought I knew you well that day we exchanged rings, I thought I knew pretty much all there was to know about you. Your favorite color is red, you love the Redskins (but have a realistic understanding of their limits and abilities), and you have the prettiest brown eyes I’ve ever seen. The more time that’s passed, though, the more I realize how selfish and self-absorbed I am, and not because of anything you’ve said.

It’s from watching you, watching how selflessly you serve others, seeing how quick you are to offer up your time, to remove yourself from comfort to put others at ease. It’s the nights that you’ll go out to the store at 10 pm to get dog food for Lily because I have a shoot the next morning, or how you’ll sacrifice a Saturday morning to help me prep for a wedding. It’s the times that I’ll make some off-handed remark about how much I’d kill for a glass of orange juice, and then you’ll genuinely offer to go to Harris Teeter to pick up some of my favorite Tropicana lots-of-pulp juice, just to make me smile.

It was that one time that I held a grudge against you for a full 24 hours for the simple fault of breaking that wine glass that I loved so much. And then two weeks later, when I realized I’d left a $2,000 laptop on board a plane and that it was gone for forever, you first reaction was to wrap your arms around me and let me cry. When I asked why you weren’t upset with me, your response was that you could see I was already distraught, and you didn’t want to add to it by me feeling anger from you. And then I cried even more because I realized how petty the whole broken-wine-glass episode was, and how wonderful you are, and how much I don’t deserve you but somehow you love me anyways.

Matt, you are my best friend, my favorite person in the world, and the way I experience God’s redeeming, pure, and merciful love the most clearly. You are the cheese to my macaroni, the Sririacha sauce to my pho soup, and the Magic Shell to my cookie dough ice cream. Simply put, life is better as your wife.

Happy anniversary, love.

Photo by the lovely Terra Dawn.