My dear blog followers,

I owe you all an apology. Some of you may have read Tuesday’s [now deleted] blog post entitled “Dear wedding guests,” a post I composed this past weekend whilst editing a recent wedding. I’ll be totally honest- I wrote it in anger. I was incredibly frustrated that several key moments/images were tainted by guests who’d stepped into the frame with cameras of their own, and my loudmouth self figured “I SHOULD TOTALLY BLOG ABOUT THIS.” I waited a couple of days to post it, convincing myself that I’d cooled down enough and that the post was “written in love,” and then hit that fateful button we call “publish.”

But I hadn’t cooled down. That post was a flimsy disguise of my annoyance. I ended it with “love,” but it wasn’t loving. I tried to sound encouraging, yet that piece of garbage was anything but.

I’d originally wanted to convey my feelings about how experiencing a wedding with your own eyes (instead of watching it through the back of your camera’s LCD screen) is more genuine, more organic, and more how the bride and groom envisioned your attendance at their wedding. But it seems in my anger, I managed to convey that guests taking photos is a waste of time, that my images are the only ones worth having (which, by the way, is utter rubbish). 

Friends, I am so very sorry. I never meant for my message to be received in such a way, but when you write with a bitter heart, it’s no wonder that there are resounding echoes of a biting, conceited author. At it’s purest form, I was doing my best to give guests PERMISSION to put down their camera. Sometime I myself need that reminder! But in my frustration, my pure message was tainted with bitterness and pride, and for that I apologize. I’ve preached time and time again about maintaining positivity on social media, but I broke my own Golden Rule. How humiliating!

As a photographer, I sometimes forget what it’s like to be a wedding guest. I find myself prioritizing photography above all else, forgetting that the wedding day EXPERIENCE for family and friends is just as important as having photographs to remember it by. I received a rather heated, virulent comment on my “Dear wedding guests” post, and though I don’t agree with everything the author wrote, it knocked me off my pedestal. It was a dose of humble pie, served piping hot, just the way I needed it. Being a Christian doesn’t mean I can’t get angry, but it does mean that I need to think LONG and hard before speaking my mind in passionate circumstances so that the words out of my mouth are blameless and pure. I just plain failed.

As crappy as I feel about putting out a message that doesn’t represent who I like to think I am, I needed to learn this lesson. So to anyone I offended, I apologize with utmost sincerity.

Love (and I mean it this time),
Abby

An apology

June 28, 2012

  1. Katie says:

    Abby- as a photographer we prioritize photography above all else. As a bride I know I am. Not everyone is like us though. Not everyone realizes that Auntie Sue probably shouldn’t jump in front of the photographer right as daddy is wiping a tear from his daughter’s cheek during the father-daughter dance. Sometimes as a photographer we need to grin and bear it and do the best to crop her out without totally crushing the impact of the image. *le sigh It’s all apart of the craft of wedding photography. No worries though, as a follower I would never stop following her for being a human as well and letting your emotions get the better of your sometimes. It’s a live and learn lesson, chin up and move on sweetie!

  2. I didn’t read the other post — but surely this one made up for it. I love your honesty and sincerity! -air hug-

  3. Rebekah Hoyt says:

    Beautifully written – thank you for your honesty and your vulnerability!! Love you!

  4. Abby, you are more than forgiven! I didn’t even think twice when reading it. I think what you said can happen and people forget to enjoy the moment sometimes. I never thought you meant we shouldn’t take pictures for ourselves to enjoy. In all of that this post shows how wonderful you are and how willing you are to admit your mistakes and that makes you even more wonderful!!!!

  5. Melissa says:

    Abby – I read your other post and thought it was very appropriate for the situation. Don’t ever apologize for who you are. Even the calmest, sweetest people get frustrated at situations. I think you had every right to post the first post and I loved it personally. I know you probably felt that you needed to apologize to your blog readers, but I would make a fair guess that 99% of your readers agreed with you 😉

  6. Anna says:

    I didn’t read that post so I am not sure exactly what you wrote but given the gist of this one… I always say “people don’t really know until they’ve worked in that field”. We know better because we have worked in that field. Guests will be guests and they want the moment just as much as us (although I like to think we want it more). I had one guest stick his head in a crucial moment and I tapped his head and signaled him to get down. Then after the moment passed I followed up and apologized for the tap. I told him I didn’t mean to be rude but I really needed to get that moment and he understood. Now I realize that all guests won’t be like this but when you can signal that you need to get in and if you can’t gently ask tap, ask or signal them to move. I understand the frustration. It’s only human to feel emotions. No matter how hard you try you can’t always be a ball of positivity. At one point or another a feeling of anger or disappointment will creep in. Its human. You realized what you did wrong and you made up for it. I am sure people will understand and if they don’t then they don’t know the real you and aren’t meant for you. People also have their own opinions whether they are right or wrong. Its good that the moment gave you perspective, however don’t ever forget that you are human and are allowed to feel certain things at a certain time. It was a bold decision to put that on your blog but I am sure it gave your readers perspective one something that concerned you and upset you at that moment 🙂

  7. Traci says:

    First, I 100% agree with the sentiments behind the other post. I also think it was pretty rad of you to apologize, because while I didn’t think the other post was super offensive, you are the only one who truly knows your heart, and knew the entry was in anger.

    Yours is SUCH a hard experience to have – I too recently shot a wedding and during the formal portraits, there were several family members to my right and left also taking photos, and I had to use all my skills and vocal chords to keep the wedding party’s eyes at my camera – had to do several retakes because folks would be looking at another camera and making the shot unusable. Guests and family don’t understand that we are getting paid big bucks to get it right, and what excuse can we really give if the product isn’t 100% on? “Sorry, your Aunt was jostling me for prime shooting territory”? While true… not the most professional response, for sure.

    When our name, our brand and our client’s happiest memories are on the line, I think it is totally okay to be on the authoritative side when it comes to people getting in the way. And I think about 99% of photogs feel the same way. On the flip side, it’d be interesting to see a guest who was told by a photog to stop/move chime in to this discussion!

  8. Katie says:

    Abby, I truly appreciated the post on Tuesday and thought it was incredibly well written. I dare say perfection. I felt you were right then and are even today. You said it best when you said a guests are there for the experience and my personal opinion is that you are not experiencing the love, listening to the words shared, or embracing the atmosphere of their marriage if you are jumping around to get photos. Even as a photographer with a passion for the love shared between a couple, I dont get to relish in that emotion because Im focusing on the technical aspects. Regardless, I nor you are opposed to the family taking shots here and there but you are the photographer and the couple has hired you because they value your work. They want your photos to be those lasting memories, not the family member with a point and shoot. I think this is a battle we all have and i can say with 100% certainty I would not have been able to write that post in the incredibly positive way you did. I understand you wanting to apologize and not that you needed affirmation but I dont think you needed to. You have a kind heart and ultimately are passionate about your career, the product you provide, and the couple. So as such, you want what is best for them. We are all creatures with flaws and education/awareness is a way to enlightenment. I feel that they (the guests who jump out in front) simply dont know the impact of their actions and if they do… well you certainly dont need to apologize! LOL!

  9. Ashley says:

    you are so sweet abby. i admire your vulnerability and that you have the guts to admit when you feel you’ve done something wrong. you are so sweet and i think you’re awesome. thanks for setting a good example. stay sweet and honest, girl! 🙂

  10. Karen Field says:

    I didn’t take offense when you posted on Tuesday. I felt like I got an education about what I, as a guest, can do to enjoy a wedding and not get in the way of the photographer that the bride chose to record the special moments. I, too, appreciate the softness of your heart to admit when your motives were less than you want them to be. It is hard to admit to humility but when it is prompted in your heart, then follow that course. I’m proud of you, my daughter. Mom

  11. Rici says:

    Hey Abby,
    thank you for this post!!!!!!!!!! Thank you that you put yourself out there and that you wrote honestly and kindly what you thought! I can´t tell you what an important example you wrote for me! Sadly the same thing happened to me, I wrote a post in anger and published it and then I felt so stupid about it. I have this feeling, because of you being sooo down right honest I would really looove to meet you one day! I admire that! Tanti Saluti from Tuscnay!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Leave A Note

Browse the Conversation ...

Snag the Gear Guide

Heck yes! Gimme!

Curious about my gear list?

Follow along

@abbygracephoto

info@abbygracephotography.com

WASHINGTON, DC & WORLDWIDE

DESIGN BY TONIC SITE SHOP 

© ABBY GRACE PHOTOGRAPHY 2024 

Back to top

JOin the abby grace newsletter community

Get on the list

for exclusive, once-weekly business & photo tips, early access to new courses and resources, and occasional Mean Girls quotes. 

%d bloggers like this: