I know right now things aren’t exactly easy. But take it from me, it’s going to get easier. Just give it some time.
You’re in your junior year of high school, and you’re beginning to learn just how badly it hurts when friends turn out to be something other than what you thought. Most of the people you once counted as close friends end up being the ones who consistently make you feel the absolute worst about yourself. Abby, I wish you’d believe Mom and Dad when they tell you to forget those people- really and truly, they don’t matter. Filling your life with people who don’t care about you is poison to your soul, and believe it or not, there ARE people out there who can and will care about you, people you can and will learn to care about in return. You just have to be willing to let those walls down.
And let’s talk about these boyfriends you seem to go through so quickly. That hole in your heart that you’re trying to fill? Men can’t satisfy that void, only Jesus can. Stop trying to pack that hole full with sleazy boyfriends and guys that don’t give two craps about you as a person. I wish I could send someone back in time to show you that being single and satisfied in yourself is priceless, far more valuable than having your identity in whichever boy you’re dating at the time. It’s like our Pawpaw says- “boys are like race cars, there’ll be another one along in a minute.” I know you don’t understand what that means right now, but trust me- flimsy relationships are fleeting, and a man with a pure heart and soul IS worth the wait.
Also, I know you’re still searching for the answer to that ever-elusive question of “just WHO am I, anyways?” It’ll come eventually- it took me until I was 25 before I even began to understand the answer. You’ll go through several different groups of friends, hairstyles, and clothing choices before you ever settle on something that feels RIGHT, but that’s ok. There’s going to be a lot of heartache; not knowing who you are or what you stand for is confusing. It can drive you to try and seek the answer in other people when in reality, YOU are the only one who can discover that. But please don’t worry. The answer will come, and rest assured that every single person around you right now is going through the exact same process. Contrary to what I know you think, you are not alone.
Abby, know that your identity doesn’t come from your popularity, your availability to secure a boyfriend, or your eventual choice of college (you’re going to LOVE Radford, by the way)- your identity was secured a long time ago in Christ. You know, when he died for you. Because he LOVES you. Because you were uniquely made, and because you are a treasure. He created you for a purpose, and even though you don’t know what that purpose is right now, know that there was INTENTION in creating you just the way you are, right now in this very moment in time.
You, in nine years.
P.S. Also, please remember to LOOK before you turn right on red on your way to that Daphne Loves Derby concert- rear-ending that Lincoln Navigator was expensive, so if you could try to avoid that, it’d be great.
My seventeen-year-old-self with two of the coolest guys I know, Stephen and Colin.