Today was going to be a day where I posted about how wonderful 2013 was, and how very much I’m looking forward to 2014. But I believe in authenticity and doing away with pretense, so I can’t write a post with a ton of exclamation points and smiley faces when in all reality, my heart is a little bit broken today.
At noon, my little brother is starting his drive back up to Fort Drumm in New York, where he’ll begins briefings, equipment checks, and last-minute preparations for deployment within the week with the US Army. We’ve known it’s coming for the past few months, but it doesn’t make it any easier in those last few hours when you know it’s going to be a full year before you see your brother again. I’ve always been protective when it comes to Seth, and even though I know he’s a grown man and can take care of himself, I still feels the pangs of panic rising in my chest, threatening to overwhelm me as I ask myself how the heck I’m supposed to protect him when he’s at war?
I can’t. None of us can, and it scares the living daylights out of me.
As a family, we’ve been through two deployments with my older brother Ethan, but this is Seth’s first and he’ll be gone for almost twice as long as Ethan was. I’m scared for the change that a year overseas may bring in him, I’m mourning the loss of Seth’s exuberant presence at family gatherings and holidays, and I’m afraid for his safety.
It’s one of those times that requires blind faith; faith that God can and WILL take care of Seth. There’s nothing more I or my family can do besides send a ton of care packages and pray, and trust in the Lord more than ever that He has an incredible plan for Seth’s life. Matthew 6:25-26- “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”
I know this next year isn’t going to be easy, that there will be more than a few stressful nights spent worrying, that every new article on CNN about overseas terrorist attacks is going to strike fear in my heart. But above all, I know we serve a God who knows every hair on our heads, who created Seth to be the strong guy that he is, and that no matter what, God is in control. There’s no amount of turmoil that is more powerful than the Prince of Peace.
We love you Sethy, and we can’t wait for you to come back home.