I’ve heard photographers talk about finding their “why” when it comes to their business, and that it was a long, arduous process of thinking, prodding, and soul-searching. I never tried to find my “why” because of how darn busy I am, but then one day it struck me. Just & Mary guest posted on Jasmine Star’s blog a few months ago, talking all about storytelling marketing, and their first point was the following: “Figure out exactly what it is that you want them to feel. Be specific.”

It took me about three seconds for me to come up with how I want my clients to feel, and that word was “redeemed.” It’s a word that’s thrown around quite a bit in the Christian world, but I never really understood it until my junior year of college. Pardon this walk down memory lane (it’s kind of a long one)…

Growing up in high school I somehow came to a place where I no longer felt that I had any value if I didn’t have a boyfriend. I don’t know where it came from- I had an incredibly loving mom and dad who never failed to make me feel wanted, so this crippling insecurity must have snuck in as a result of something else. No matter where it came from, it changed me from a confident child to a cocky teenager whose projected assurance was just that- a projection. I was so incredibly unsure of my own value that I sought it out in guys- skipping around from one boyfriend to the next, as soon as I broke up with one I already had another lined up. My parents drilled it into me that I needed to be careful with my heart, but I ignored them. Of course. I figured I wasn’t drinking and doing drugs, so I was still ok, right?

And then I got to college, and my crippling insecurity resulted in even lower standards when it came to choosing boyfriends. Things that used to really matter to me sort of faded into the background. I found myself partying on the weekends, drinking too much even though I didn’t want to, and running with the completely wrong crowd. I hated the feeling- I didn’t like being out of control, I didn’t like dating someone that didn’t treat me for the jewel I knew I was supposed to be, but I felt broken and used up, completely dry.

Then suddenly, almost two years later, something changed- I ended my relationship in a freak moment of confidence and decided it was time that I finally heed my parents advice and visit CRU that week. So I did, and it sparked something in me, something I hadn’t felt for a long time- hope. I’d been walking on the wrong path for so long that I felt like Jesus wouldn’t want me anymore, but being back in a crowd of believers warmed my soul.

You know when something really good happens, and then there’s that one person who has to bring you down from your high? That happened to me with an small internal voice, an inner demon. Here I was rejoicing in my newfound liberty from my sin when a small nagging feeling in the back of my mind kept telling me “This is great and all, but you know you’re not as whole and worthy as those other girls in your Bible study, right?” I felt a wall between me and everyone else- I was unclean, broken, unworthy. That one battered box of macaroni left on the shelf that no one wants to buy. I was damaged goods.

I always knew I wanted to be a wife and a mother, I wanted a marriage where my husband would lead me, love me, and honor me in a way that reflected Christ. But being damaged goods, I started to believe that no good man would ever want to be with me, that I’d have to settle for someone that didn’t meet my list of “non-negotiables.” I was destined to be a second-class citizen, alone and marked as inferior. Like day-old bread that no one will buy, like those already-bruised bananas sitting alone in the grocery store. No one else was making me feel this way- just that ugly little voice in my head.

And then God spoke truth to me in the form of my discipler, Katie. These horrible secrets I’d been hiding, the way I was feeling, they all came spilling out during discipleship, accompanied by heart-wrenching cries of anguish, but also the relief of finally being able to verbalize what I was feeling. Katie cried with me, heard me out, and then told me something I’ll never forget:

“These. are. lies. These are LIES, Abby! You are cleansed by the blood of Jesus, your slate has been wiped clean. No one knows about your past, they can’t see it when they look at you- all they see is a pure, energetic and loving girl, exactly as you are.”

It was like someone had lifted this enormous sandbag off of my shoulders, like I’d been given new sight. This crushing burden of guilt, shame and secrets was lifted, and I could see the light of day again. I was redeemed.

Fast forward to a few months later and Matt entered my life. Matt, the most genuine, loving, kindhearted, gentle, pure, sweet and God-loving man I’ve ever met. I loved him because of who is he is, but I also loved him because of all he represented- everything I never deserved in a husband all wrapped up into one package, kind of like a gift from God that said “Even though you think you don’t deserve him, I’m giving you his heart. Take care of it.” Like I’d won the lottery without ever entering. Again, I was redeemed. I was so broken not even a year before, a shell of myself, and here I was being trusted with the heart of a GOOD man. I was so unworthy, but so thankful.

I know that my couples don’t share the same story, that all of them have different pasts, different struggles, different burdens. But I know that all of us need redeeming love, that at one point we’ve all felt unattractive, unworthy, broken, and battered, and love is what makes us whole again. That’s why I shoot- to show beauty and spread love. To show my subjects that they ARE beautiful, that they DO have worth, that they are VALUABLE. So I’m not really in the business of wedding photography. I’m in the business of reflecting Christ’s redeeming love.

This photo was taken right after we got engaged in January 2010 :). I took it using a self-timer during the second Snowmageddon that winter.

Happy Wednesday, friends!

Redeeming Love

April 25, 2012

  1. Alison Mish says:

    Thanks for sharing! It’s amazing to see God’s unfailing love and provision. He always meets us right where we are and never let’s us go! 🙂

  2. This is beautiful!!! SO many times young girls go through this same thing and they feel unworthy of love from anyone. The truth is God has ALWAYS loved us and always will. We just have to accept that love. This post is just another reason why I love you!!

  3. Rebekah Hoyt says:

    Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story and being so vulnerable! You write so beautifully, and your story is a clear reflection of Christ and his amazing love in our lives.

  4. Erin Schrad says:

    Thank you so much for sharing, Abby! What a wonderful message.

  5. ashley nasca says:

    Omg I love reading your story abby 🙂 I love how you incorporated Jesus in this story-it seems as though some people forget! Such an inspiration 🙂

  6. heather says:

    so true – thanks for sharing your story.

  7. Currie says:

    Beautiful Abby. I’m so thankful for your honesty and the truth you wrote. Thanks for writing this. Being redeemed is such a beautiful and overwhelming concept and I love how you’ve incorporated it into your business.
    *side note* have you read the book Redeeming Love?? It’s amazing..

  8. Kaitlyn says:

    Abby, thank you so much for sharing this..God is so good!!

  9. Emily Wright says:

    Thanks so much for sharing this, Abby. I think it makes a world of difference in your photos, that you are willing to be so open with your clients, potential clients, and friends. I think it is awesome that you are also so willing to talk about your faith! Jesus is going to use you in big ways, allowing you to show people his redeeming love!

  10. Alexis says:

    WOW! Such a beautiful story, Abby!!!! 🙂

    I am inspired by the words and heart of the message!

    Thank you so much for sharing!

    I wish you the best as you sail through your life behind the camera, redeeming love! 😉

  11. molly says:

    amazing story, abby! thank you so much for sharing your heart. i feel like you and i have a lot in common in our feeling of brokenness. thank God, literally, that Christ came back into my life two years ago – the same time John came into my life. Christ is so good and I feel redeemed every. single. day. love love love!

  12. Sarah says:

    Amazing. I am so inspired by your story, Abby! I love your vision and LOVE for Christ and how it relates to your business. Also- you are a FANTASTIC writer! Thank you for sharing your wonderful story.

  13. Megan Roldan says:

    Wow, that was so powerful and inspirational. Thank you for sharing your story and I love how you have redeemed yourself. LOVE the photo!

  14. Sydni Jackson says:

    so awesome!! you go, girl!

  15. Christine says:

    Beautiful story Abby. Thank you for sharing this!!

  16. Jordan says:

    I can so relate to this! Thanks for sharing, Abby.

  17. Jean Hensley says:

    You are an amazing granddaughter. You and I had some special times while you were at Radford and I will always cherish those memories. Your photography is beautiful and your written words tell such wonderful stories of love. Keep up the good work. Love you.

  18. Thanks for sharing Abby – I have a similar story with my relationship of how my boyfriend was saved & redeemed, his life completely transformed. Although we haven’t had a fairytale story-its ours. I have learned to embrace it personally & to make a conscious effort to let couples know they don’t have to have a fairytale story in order for me to photograph their love. xo

  19. Elizabeth says:

    Abby… you are so amazing. I feel honored just to know YOU. Thank you for sharing your story so honestly and from the heart.
    “I’m in the business of reflecting Christ’s redeeming love.” That’s why your my favorite photographer. God has truly blessed you and your business!

  20. beautiful. i appreciate you sharing this. It gives me hope and encouragement.

  21. Kristen says:

    I love this post, Abby. Thank you for writing out your heart in such a transparent and vulnerable way. <3

  22. Abby Todd says:

    Hi Abby,
    I found your blog while searching for other “Abby”‘s that are photographers as well as a means to end my weekend boredom and writers block that seems to be ever so present when “I have time” to write. I started reading and reading and reached this post and realized that there’s another Abby out there with feelings just like me. I loved this piece and everything else you have posted that I’ve read thus far. Count yourself a new reader. Amazing! Best of wishes – one Abby to another. 🙂

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