Have you ever had a vision for something, this amazing elaborate “perfect world” kind of vision, and then whatever it was you were envisioning turns out completely differently? And yet, it still somehow manages to be BETTER than the version you originally cooked up in your imagination? That’s kind of what happened with my first workshop. Let me explain.

I had this grand idea that my first workshop would  sell out- I’d watched other photographers book seats like they were going out of style, announcing a workshop at 10 am and being completely sold out by that evening. Call it big headedness, pride, overestimating my own abilities/popularity (ouch), but I convinced myself the same would happen for me (it’s ok if you roll your eyes at this point). Come launch day when I announced the workshop and seats went on sale at 11 am, I spent all day trolling my inbox for new registrations. But as of 5 pm? I’d sold one seat. One.  And that was enough to take my ego and my sense of self-worth and shred it to pieces. I started asking myself how on earth I was going to hide this kind of humiliating failure from other people? Other photographers couldn’t know about this- then they’d know what a colossal joke I was.

In the end, a few more seats filled- four, to be exact, and I gave away an additional seat to spread a bit of love as well as hopefully generate a bit more interest. The “spreading the love” part worked- the winner (Kelsey!) was so excited to have won and came all the way from New Hampshire! But the “generating more interest” part once again failed. And once I again, I felt like I was a failure. Who was I to try to teach these ladies about anything if I couldn’t even sell out a workshop?

I had completely missed the point. Rather than being overjoyed that there were five people who I would have the opportunity to share with, I concentrated on how disappointed I was that I couldn’t tout my workshop as “sold out.” Did I really care about having ten workshop attendees? No. I wanted the PICTURE of success- of telling people in a falsely humble manner that I, Abby Grace, was sought after. Please feel free to laugh right now, I’m laughing as I write this.

Education isn’t about idolizing or puffing up the educator- that’s called celebrity. Education is about leaving those you’re sharing with better off than you found them; more knowledgable, more inspired, better equipped to do what it is they want to do.

What I didn’t foresee was the reason behind the registrations ceasing to roll in. God saw my prideful, self-congratulatory heart, and he saw my falsely humble prayers for “humility” (you know, those prayers that go something like “Lord, please humble me… but in a way I’m comfortable with that doesn’t hurt at all”?). And it turned into an opportunity to show me that a) my priorities were WAY off, and b) my worth should NOT be dependent on something as fleeting as the number of workshop seats I sell. If that’s all I base my value on as a person, my highs are going to be limited and my lows will be incredibly debilitating.

As it was, five turned out to be the PERFECT number, even though I couldn’t have foreseen that prior to last Friday. I was incredibly nervous about the workshop, and with five attendees there was more of a sense of intimacy, of being among friends. And when you’re among friends there’s a lot more forgiveness when you lose your spot on the slide show, or when your Mac decides to stop working. Less pressure for a teaching opportunity I was totally new to was welcome! And these particular five ladies, Megan, Matoli, Kelsey, Tiffany and Brandilynn, were the perfect attendees- eager to learn, questions prepared, excited to be among other photographers. I couldn’t have asked for a better first workshop, or a better group of women to share with.

Once Matt & I bade good-bye to the last guests that night, I felt this rush of accomplishment: I survived! It went over WELL! And for all that worrying, all of that anxiety over numbers, it was the perfect day. With the encouraging feedback from the ladies from last week, I’m already looking forward to hopefully hosting another. But this time, I know that if I were to only book two seats? That it will still be absolutely perfect.

A huge, HUGE thank you to the sponsors for A Date With Abby Grace: ShowIt and PASS, Album Exposure, Rachel Brenke, Floral & Bloom Designs, and M&S Grill. < Matt & I are still enjoying leftovers- SO GOOD.

*Pardon the lack of images in this post- the only photos I took on Friday were of the gorgeous floral-y goodness on the coffee table. Whoops.